Domestic Violence Is Not Gender-Exclusive: Why Men Are Victims Too - and Why Many Stay Silent

 

When people hear the words domestic violence, most imagine a male abuser and a female victim.

While women do make up the majority of severe and fatal cases, this simplified picture leaves out a critical and uncomfortable truth: men are also victims of domestic violence - and many of them never report it.

For years, their experiences have remained largely invisible, buried under stigma, stereotypes, and silence.

What the Data Actually Shows

According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS):

• About 1 in 4 women (24-25%) in the U.S. have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime

• At the same time, approximately 1 in 7 men (13-14%) report the same level of severe physical violence

When the definition is expanded to include any physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking, the numbers grow closer:

• More than 35% of women

• Nearly 29% of men

These figures challenge the idea that domestic violence is rare among men. It isn’t. It is simply underreported.

Psychological and Emotional Abuse: Nearly Equal Impact

Physical violence is only part of the picture.

Studies consistently show that psychological and emotional abuse - including threats, humiliation, controlling behavior, and intimidation - affects men and women at nearly equal rates.

Close to half of all adults, regardless of gender, report experiencing emotional abuse from an intimate partner at some point in their lives.

This form of abuse often leaves no visible marks, making it easier to dismiss - especially when the victim is male.

Why Men Don’t Report Domestic Violence

Men who experience abuse face unique barriers:

• Social stigma: Many fear being labeled “weak” or not taken seriously

• Cultural expectations: Men are expected to “handle it” or fight back

• Lack of resources: Most shelters and hotlines are designed primarily for women

• Fear of arrest: Some men report being treated as the aggressor when police respond

As a result, countless cases never reach law enforcement, medical professionals, or support services.

Lethality and Gender Differences

It is important to acknowledge a critical distinction:

• Women are far more likely to be killed by an intimate partner.

• In recent U.S. homicide data, over one-third of murdered women were killed by a current or former partner.

• For men, that number is significantly lower - around 5-6%.

This does not minimize male victimization.
It highlights that severity and outcomes differ, while victimization itself affects both genders.

Men in Court: Defending Themselves Against Abuse

Although rarely covered by major media outlets, there are real cases in U.S. courts where men have successfully demonstrated that they were victims of prolonged domestic abuse.

Common elements in these cases include:

• Medical records documenting injuries

• Text messages, emails, or voicemails showing threats or coercion

• Witness testimony from friends, neighbors, or coworkers

• Evidence of long-term psychological control or financial abuse

In some cases, male victims have obtained protective orders, secured child custody considerations, or avoided wrongful convictions after proving a pattern of abuse.

These cases are not anomalies - they are simply less visible.

The Cost of Silence

When male victims remain silent:

• Abuse escalates

• Mental health deteriorates

• Substance abuse becomes more likely

• Children witness violence without intervention

• False narratives about domestic violence persist

Silence protects abusers - not victims.

Why This Conversation Matters

Acknowledging male victims does not undermine women’s experiences.
Domestic violence is not a competition of suffering - it is a shared social crisis.

Recognizing that men can be victims too allows for:

• More accurate data

• Better training for law enforcement

• Expanded victim services

• Earlier intervention before violence turns deadly

Final Thoughts

Domestic violence does not belong to one gender.

Women are disproportionately affected by severe and fatal outcomes - and that reality must never be ignored.
But men also experience abuse, often in isolation, disbelief, and silence.

Until society makes room for all victims, many will continue to suffer quietly behind closed doors.