Men Don’t Talk About It - But They Should: Male Victims of Domestic Violence

 

Most men don’t talk about it

They say they “had a rough relationship,” or “she just had a temper.” They make jokes about it later - the scratches, the thrown phone, the glass that shattered a little too close. Because saying “I was abused” doesn’t fit the version of manhood they were taught to perform

For decades, the United States has ignored one simple truth

: men can be victims of domestic violence too. Police officers, soldiers, teachers, truck drivers - men from every state, from California to Ohio, quietly carry stories they never tell
When a woman shows up at a shelter, she’s believed
When a man does, people raise their eyebrows

I once spoke to a guy from Texas who said his wife would lock him out of the house during winter - just to “teach him a lesson.” Another from Florida said she’d throw plates when dinner wasn’t ready. One man in Georgia told me, “She didn’t need to hit me. She knew how to make me feel worthless”

Abuse doesn’t always come from fists. It comes from humiliation, threats, manipulation, and control. It’s in the sentence: “Nobody will ever believe you”
And far too often, that turns out to be true

When men try to speak up, the system doesn’t know what to do with them. Police hesitate, shelters say they’re full, and friends crack jokes instead of offering help.
So they stay quiet.
They work late to avoid going home. They tell coworkers they “fell in the garage.” They survive - silently

But silence doesn’t heal. It hides the wound until it festers
The truth is, there are shelters that accept men now. There are hotlines that won’t judge. In states like Arizona, North Carolina, and Illinois, calls from male survivors are slowly increasing. Awareness campaigns are growing. The walls are starting to crack.

Because abuse doesn’t care about gender. It doesn’t check your pronouns before it breaks your spirit.
And if we want to end it for everyone - men, women, and children - we have to start listening to the voices that were told to shut up the longest.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788.
You don’t have to prove your pain. You just have to say, “I need help.”