What type of relationship are you in?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, 24 hours/7 days a week) has a great checklist on their website to help people understand if the type of relationship they are in is one that can be classified as abusive. First, ask yourself if your partner does any of the following:
- Embarrass you with put-downs?
- Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
- Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
- Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
- Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
- Make all of the decisions?
- Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
- Prevent you from working or attending school?
- Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
- Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
- Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
- Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
- Force you to try and drop charges?
- Threaten to commit suicide?
- Threaten to kill you?
The hotline indicates that if you answered “yes” to even one of the above questions you may be in an abusive relationship and help should be investigated (either through them or another trusted resource).And for those who believe that abuse only comes in the form of physical affronts, you should know that emotional abuse can be just as destructive and damaging. The Hotline points out that you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner exhibits even one of the following:
- Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
- Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
- Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
- Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
- Does not want you to work.
- Controls finances or refuses to share money.
- Punishes you by withholding affection.
- Expects you to ask permission.
- Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
- Humiliates you in any way
And again, swift intervention is recommended either through the National Domestic Violence Hotline or a trusted friend, family member, or member of clergy.